We Could Be So Good Together

If only they just spoke up.

If only they had just talked to someone.

If they just got help.

Just.

Whenever there is a mental health related death there's an explosion of opining and comment on seeking help. From the naive if well-meaning fall and we'll catch you columns to the half-hearted 'call lifeline' at the end of new stories. We tell people who may be struggling to get help. Maybe we helpfully mention a phone number or URL. But as much as we'd like to think so, telling someone to seek help is not help.

One of the things about depression is you think you deserve it. That you, horrible you, deserve every single atom of pain and sad and lonely you can fit under your ugly skin. And then some. Your brain and your soul and your bones all speak the same refrain: You are not worth the effort to help. This is where that stupid "broken leg" analogy falls flat on its face. A broken leg doesn’t leak into your brain and tell you "You deserve this. You deserve to have this shard of bone bursting through your leg-flesh and by the way hairy legs much, Mr Tumnus?". You don't tell yourself people won't believe your mangled leg story. Society doesn't tell you broken bones are a sign of weakness. That you should just think positively (at least, no non-quack will tell you that). There's no fear with a broken leg. Depression is the antithesis of that. It's a constant fear that if you snatch help from its plinth a giant boulder will chase you out of the cave. Asking for help - particularly in Australia and particularly for men - is fuckin' hard.

To put the responsibility of seeking help solely at the feet of those most likely not to is at best ignorant and at worst, well, fatal. Yes, a prerequisite of treatment is a want to get better but want occasionally needs a push. What's good about the RUOK campaign is it shifts focus from seeking help to seeking to give help. It goes some way to taking the pressure of those who for various reasons cannot speak up. A proactive approach is not without issues. The most prominent being how. If someone says they aren't ok, how do we respond? We damn well better come up with an answer. And it can't just be call here/browse here/make an appointment here. Maybe it's let's call here together. Let's browse here together. Let's do this together.