Xmas Blues

The town squares are all empty
with no children at play
A horrible bad awful thing
happened today

The air was thick with silence
'cept occasional bells ringing
Even The Bryds stopped with
their horrible singing

See all were inside with
their teevees switched on
Mouths slack-jawed open
their smiles were gone

The TV newsman took off his glasses
turned to the camera and said
the terrible news;
Santa was dead

Shocked thoughts of what
soon turned to how
Was he devoured by Rudolph?
Did the sleigh hit a cow?

But when the news spread
it was worse than they feared
A body found in the ocean
smelling of peppermint & wet beard

Twas the melting of sea ice
that did old Nick in
Seems this climate change
is an actual thing

It seemed sudden but
was not sudden at all
those rich scientists had
already writ on the wall

Still it surprised Santa
'though it was partly his fault
distributing coal at Xmas?
What a red-faced dolt!

He knows when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knew he was drowning not
swimming in North Pole lake

So when the calendar flicks over
to this Christmas Day
A solemn moment of
quiet tribute we'll pay

So turn off the clocks
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
hold on... what's this?
The estate of Auden on the phone

They shout about copyright lawyers
that will chop off my head
Good lord, don't they know?
Santa is dead!